Collegehumor Guide to Writing at Collgehumor

Dear New Collegehumor writer:

Welcome to the Collegehumor Team!! This letter is given to all of our writers upon acceptance of a position here at CH. Take some time to familiarize yourself with this list, it is the basis for all of our articles and updates on the website. If you have any questions address them to Sarah (the hot chick that made out with the other girl in the commenter video, yeah, I know you got wood). *High Five*:

1) Childhood pop culture reference from reader demographic: If you can work in a Nintendo or Nickelodeon reference, or a dialogue between childhood inanimate objects, you've got an update for the masses. If you need a go-by try reading any of Dan's articles, they are usually loaded with whimsical tales of your stuffed animals thought processes or what Captain Crunch ironically ate for breakfast.

2) Recent pop culture reference, Zunes, Britney Spears, Discontinuation of a good Pringle flavor? It's all gold. Remember when they came out with that thing that time? Man, Microsoft/Apple/Tyco/Capcom/The Internet is SO DUMB!!!!

3) Random smattering of cartoon characters, but with catered dialogue: Man, I bet an update about Scooby Doo and Shaggy getting baked together in the mystery van would be hilarious! "Rass the Rooby Snacks, Bro. I'm rucking raked out of my mind."

4) Bro speak: "Listen, seriously, Drew, listen. Ok, so maybe I'm a little drunk, I mean, I did just shotgun 18 beers in a row, but fuck...I just fingerblasted loose lips Lisa upstairs in the ritual room, and now my digits smell like the cryptkeeper. Aww, come on dude, high five my other hand!"

5) Conversation with an older person where they show their age: Everyone has parents, unless they are orphans, and in that case they should probably be more worried about having no one to spend Christmas with than about reading our timewaste articles. In any case, an IM conversation with Mom, text message conversation with Dad, or YouPorn explanation from grandma should suffice.

6) Hot chicks: pretty explanatory, we have a lot of young college males with high libidos and low social skills. While other guys are out bagging 6's and 7's our loyal readers are hitting refresh to make sure Uncle Jesse didn't make fun of them for posting pwnd twice on accident.

7) Not so hot chicks: when we run out of ideas, i.e. we let Dan out of his writing cell for an hour, we have to post something. Who cares if she is an aquatic bovine from Seneca College, she sent us a picture of her and her just as ugly friends in sunglasses at night in shirts that show a bra straps, so we are obligated to put them up.

8) User comment contest: They do the work for you!!

9) Seasonal contest: Once again, they do the work for you. And to entice them into submitting pictures they most certainly would already submit we will offer them lavish prizes like a Busted Tee, or a prepaid Gift Card to Sam Goody's. If you have a comedy CD or a demo tape of your 6 month old band, let us know, we will start giving away that shit too.

10) College specific banter: This is a very important one. We are called Collegehumor for a reason. Mainly because we bought the domain a long time ago and got stuck with it. But we are writing to college kids about college kids. Nevermind that all of us are graduated and living in New York City, have apartments with flat screens and plush bedding (don't think we didn't watch Streeter's videos Mr. Hurwitz) but we still faintly remember the days of stale pizza and beer soaked hoodies, so write about that. (We have prime rib and Heineken Wednesday's after work, by the way, and don't forget to bring your claw cracker from home, Snow Crab can be a bitch this time of year)

11) Finally, if you get stuck just make a video with Amir where he acts like he's cool, but comes off as a loser, and you act aloof and come off as a loser, even though you are trying to seem cool.

Just follow these simple ideas and you too will be a successful writer here at Collegehumor.com. Sure, your ideas might seem like they are running together, but the guys who actually sit down to read these things have the intelligence of Kelly Kapowski, and the attention span of Lindsey Lohan. Who cares if some of the articles make as much sense as Snarf running into Optimus Prime in a Russian Bath House? Seriously, Broski, fucking seriously.

Once again, this website is called Collegehumor for a reason, this ain't yo Daddy's website. Now I'm off to go bang this hot chick, and her not so hot sorority sister, so why don't you go ahead and tag these photos for me, and comment on them as well. If they are good I'll give you this half used gift certificate to Arby's. Make a snow dick while you're at it. I've got next in Beer Pong, Amir, I don't care if you smoke or not.


Good to have you on board,



CH Staff